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The 10 FREAKIEST Animal Mating Techniques

We’ve all heard how female black widow spiders and preying mantis’ will eat the male after sex, but compared to what else goes on in the animal kingdom after dark, this is pretty PG stuff.

Narration provided by JaM Advertising New Mexico www.tasteofjam.com

Have you ever looked at a wiener and thought, man, that’s a weird looking piece of equipment right there?

If you’re in a relationship you might think you’re both on the same level, you want the same things, and you’re certain to share a long and romantic future.

Guys, what’s the clingiest thing you’ve ever done in a relationship? Checked a girl’s cell-phone? Cyber-stalked their exes? Left your penis stuck inside a lady to prevent her sleeping with anyone else?

Ever heard the phrase “Make love, not war”? Sure you have, and it makes a lot of sense, because sex seems a lot more fun than having your legs blown off by a rocket propelled grenade.

Making a trail of love-notes or rose petals which lead towards a gift is a pretty romantic gesture, but if you made that same trail out of your semen, that’s probably not gonna go down too well, unless you’re a Red Velvet Mite, which I am assuming you are not.

Are you desperate for affection? Do you ache for the sensual touch of another human? There’s nothing worse than going through a dry spell when nobody wants to have sex with you, but have you ever thought of trying to bribe potential lovers with a bunch of bananas?

If you’re too shy to bribe someone with fruit, and you get all jealous when you see other couples making out, why not take inspiration from the Mandarinfish and join in without invitation?

Another guy muscling in on your territory is one guaranteed way to kill the mood, but another is to take a massive steaming dump before wafting the stench towards your lover, unless you’re a hippopotamus that is.

Have you ever used some kind of persuasive argument in order to get someone to put out? Quick, let’s get it on while the kids are away. Hurry, my parents will be back soon. Make love to me now damn it, I have but two hours to live!

Men, prepare to feel inadequate. The male Argentinian Lake Duck has a penis up to seventeen inches long, in fact so gargantuan is their love hose that these ducks actually use them to lasso females who are trying to escape during sex.

Video credit to Strange Mysteries YouTube channel