Did you know there’s part of the Bible where Noah gets drunk and passes out naked in front of his tent like a hippy at Woodstock?
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With that long lustrous mane of salon-quality hair, I can imagine Jesus was super paranoid about going bald. And so it seems from this quote taken from Kings 2:23, which covers the story of the peaceful messenger Elisha and the bullying he received for having a chrome dome.
There are a few things that the Bible says will stop you getting into Heaven; not believing in God is a pretty major one, and those who worship money or start getting super jelly over their neighbours sweet ox might have trouble too.
Hey ladies, did you know that when your time of the month comes round you’re actually a dirty piece of trash and you should get the hell away from me?
If Jesus ever does return to the Earth for a second coming, I really hope he never comes over to my place for dinner, because based on this quote from Matthew 21:18, the son of god gets a little hangry sometimes.
The Lord God sent his only son to Earth to be murdered because of what strangers did, so clearly this guy isn’t too keen on fatherhood just yet. Maybe he shouldn’t have made using rubbers a sin, huh? Did you think about that big guy, did you?
In Ezekiel 4, the Lord wants old Zeekers here to build a model of the city of Jerusalem in memorial of its siege.
Blackwater are pretty much the closest thing on Earth to an evil supervillain’s organisation right now. The company’s founder was former Navy Seal Erik Prince, who already sounds pretty badass, and on his watch they employed thousands of former military personnel to act as a private mercenary army, with their missions involving top-secret black operations in both the US, the Middle East and beyond.
Video credit to Strange Mysteries YouTube channel