If you were to go out and buy a product today, whether it’s a bottle of medicine, a bag of chips or a new kind of sneaker that electrocutes you when you’re racist, you expect the product has
been tested and verified as safe for human use.
Narration provided by JaM Advertising New Mexico www.tasteofjam.com
But society hasn’t always enjoyed such luxury, as we’re about to see in our list of seven deadly products from history you could actually buy.
Today if you want to settle your kids down for the evening you just sit them in front of the TV and pump the little shit machines full of carbohydrates, but in the 19th Century they had a different solution – Mrs Winslow’s Soothing Syrup.
Remember when using coconut oil became popular overnight and everyone used it for pretty much everything? Frying foods, moisturising your skin, brushing your teeth, easing the passage of non-lubricated insertables? Coconut oil was everywhere. We couldn’t get enough of the stuff.
In 2001 the TV series Crime Scene Investigation made its debut on our screens, followed by 2002’s CSI Miami, 2004’s CSI New York, and CSI Cyber in 2015. But one spinoff which didn’t quite catch on was 2007’s CSI Dead Cancer Kids, although as you’ll shortly find out, it may get a rerun sometime in the future.
Cars are a pretty dangerous product already, but if you ever find yourself driving a 2011 Kia Rio on Firestone tyres, you may want to say goodbye to your loved ones before you put the key in the ignition.
Are you a weak and feeble man suffering from nervousness, impotence or infertility? Then why not purchase a Giant Power Heidelberg Electric Belt and shock your problems away. Available in 40, 60 and 80 gauge versions this battery-powered monstrosity used electrodes to stimulate gentlemen into a state of readiness – which is another way of saying it would shock your cock and balls right off. I guess once you’ve had direct current applied to your genitals whatever you were nervous about doesn’t seem as important anymore.
You know how using a chap-stick actually makes your lips drier over time, causing you to rely on them ever more? Well the same thing happened to ladies of the 18th and 19th centuries who used the Bloom of Ninon makeup, if you replaced a cracked and dry kisser with a face like a paralysed Moe Szyslak (pronounced siz-lak)
Bloom of Ninon was one of many popular lead-based makeups sold at the time, and increased exposure to the white lead used caused women to suffer yellowed skin and facial paralysis, as well as severe bad breath, grey hair, constipation, blue gums and brown teeth. That’s a look even Lady Gaga wouldn’t try to pull off, and this is a lady who wears hotpants made of brisket.
This one may seem a pretty obvious pick for number one, and surely we all know by now that cigarettes are super bad for your health, but it’s only when you see the staggering figures involved that you begin to realise the true impact of smoking on the world’s population.
For the sheer numbers involved we had to include the Krubera Cave on this list, as while the others may look all pretty and spooky, the Krubera takes the honour of being the deepest known cave on Earth.
Video credit to Strange Mysteries YouTube channel